I know how….. I know how it feels to be out of place. One thing that relates to my life is ballet. I started ballet when I was four years old. Its already been ten years. When your little, nobody cares about how you look. Wearing polka-dots and stripes were okay when you were little. Of course everyone thought it was cute. But, once you got older everything changes. Even ballet.
In ballet people look at me all the time who knows what they’re thinking or talking about. Most of the time I ask myself why am I dancing. I feel like a puzzle piece that won’t fit into a puzzle. Everyday I look at people that are skinnier or that have higher extensions. Every time I looked at them I worked less. I let all of the better dancer get to my head.
When I was little I wasn’t the skinniest kid. Well “my friends” would talk behind my back during rehearsals. I never knew until my sister told me a few years ago. They would say how I was bigger or I wasn’t as good as them. Knowing that they said that I can’t really trust them any more. So every time I go to class I’m just by myself or with my sister. Now I definitely feel out of place.
This summer I made a deal with myself, I wasn’t going to let them get to me . A few girls went to an intensive ( ballet camp) or took a break. Not alot of people took class in the summer so it was sorta nice having a break from everybody. I still took class, but instead not working really hard, I worked twice as hard. I literally felt better after each class. After the summer I felt like I improved so much. My leotards were lose and I got higher extensions. Well when people came back from there intensives a lot of people told me that I was improving a lot. I was really proud of myself.
After summer we all went to class and we decided to go one by one from the corner and do our combinations. Our teacher wanted us to look at the person that was doing the combination and after they were done, we would tell them corrections like if there shoulders are up or if they're not spotting. Well I went and they told me a few corrections. Which was fine. Now lately people are giving me corrections. For insist , we were doing combinations in groups and I just did four pirouettes into a double fouette turn, a girl comes up to me a pushes my shoulders down. Then she did the combination in the next group and I watched her and yeah she had some mistakes but I didn’t go up to her and pushed her shoulders.I know she was trying to help but the teacher never said anything about my shoulders and she was probably trying to do that just to get to my head. But I still just ignored them.
Now it was Nutcracker season and auditions were coming up. Of course I was super nervous. Everybody wanted the big roles and variations. So we were auditioning and then the other part of the advanced group came in. Then Ms. Kathie settled everyone down. Then she started talking to us how our thighs were getting too big and how we have to lose weight. Everyone was looking at each other puzzled. Then after a few minutes we finished our audition. It made me feel small again but I still went out there and worked as hard as I could. So rehearsals started a week or so after auditions and we had to try on costumes they had to redo everyones costume because it was too big except for me. I was a little disappointed that they didn't have to take mine in but I still kept on dancing.
After Nutcracker I started to see things more clearly. I look at “my friends” and I see that all they're doing is talking and hanging out at ballet. They never talk to me anymore since this new girl came. Now I am just all by myself. Lately my teacher has been noticing that they are talking a lot too. So she decided that every time a person talks they would have to do five push ups. It worked for a while because nobody wanted to do push up but now its just a joke. Before our teacher said if you guys talk I will write your name down and I will take parts away from you, but everyone was scared so they asked our teacher if we can do push ups instead. Every time I did push ups they would say butt down Kelly or go lower thats not far enough. I was so embarrassed
You probably think oh man shes been through alot . Yeah I have been through alot and I still kept dancing even if my friends were talking behind my back. I know it hurts but later it will get better. I wanted to hide in a box instead of go to ballet. But instead of being afraid I stood up for myself and I went to ballet and worked hard. I showed them that they didn’t hurt me. I gained back my confidence. But I probably wouldn't have done this without my sister and parents. They had my back the whole way and they never gave up.
I know how it feels to be out of place. To feel like nobody likes you. But if you show your friends or who ever was bugging you that you regain your confidence then you probably will feel a lot happier. I know I did.
I know how it feels to be out of place. One thing that relates to my life is ballet. I started ballet when I was four years old. Its already been ten years. When your little, nobody cares about how you look. Wearing polka-dots and stripes were okay when you were little. Of course everyone thought it was cute. But, once you got older everything changes. Even ballet.
In ballet people look at me all the time who knows what they’re thinking or talking about. Most of the time I ask myself why am I dancing. I feel like a puzzle piece that won’t fit into a puzzle. Everyday I look at people that are skinnier or that have higher extensions. Every time I looked at them I worked less. I let all of the better dancer get to my head.
When I was little I wasn’t the skinniest kid. Well “my friends” would talk behind my back during rehearsals. I never knew until my sister told me a few years ago. They would say how I was bigger or I wasn’t as good as them. Knowing that they said that I can’t really trust them any more. So every time I go to class I’m just by myself or with my sister. Now I definitely feel out of place.
This summer I made a deal with myself, I wasn’t going to let them get to me . A few girls went to an intensive ( ballet camp) or took a break. Not alot of people took class in the summer so it was sorta nice having a break from everybody. I still took class, but instead not working really hard, I worked twice as hard. I literally felt better after each class. After the summer I felt like I improved so much. My leotards were lose and I got higher extensions. Well when people came back from there intensives a lot of people told me that I was improving a lot. I was really proud of myself.
After summer we all went to class and we decided to go one by one from the corner and do our combinations. Our teacher wanted us to look at the person that was doing the combination and after they were done, we would tell them corrections like if there shoulders are up or if they're not spotting. Well I went and they told me a few corrections. Which was fine. Now lately people are giving me corrections. For insist , we were doing combinations in groups and I just did four pirouettes into a double fouette turn, a girl comes up to me a pushes my shoulders down. Then she did the combination in the next group and I watched her and yeah she had some mistakes but I didn’t go up to her and pushed her shoulders.I know she was trying to help but the teacher never said anything about my shoulders and she was probably trying to do that just to get to my head. But I still just ignored them.
Now it was Nutcracker season and auditions were coming up. Of course I was super nervous. Everybody wanted the big roles and variations. So we were auditioning and then the other part of the advanced group came in. Then Ms. Kathie settled everyone down. Then she started talking to us how our thighs were getting too big and how we have to lose weight. Everyone was looking at each other puzzled. Then after a few minutes we finished our audition. It made me feel small again but I still went out there and worked as hard as I could. So rehearsals started a week or so after auditions and we had to try on costumes they had to redo everyones costume because it was too big except for me. I was a little disappointed that they didn't have to take mine in but I still kept on dancing.
After Nutcracker I started to see things more clearly. I look at “my friends” and I see that all they're doing is talking and hanging out at ballet. They never talk to me anymore since this new girl came. Now I am just all by myself. Lately my teacher has been noticing that they are talking a lot too. So she decided that every time a person talks they would have to do five push ups. It worked for a while because nobody wanted to do push up but now its just a joke. Before our teacher said if you guys talk I will write your name down and I will take parts away from you, but everyone was scared so they asked our teacher if we can do push ups instead. Every time I did push ups they would say butt down Kelly or go lower thats not far enough. I was so embarrassed
You probably think oh man shes been through alot . Yeah I have been through alot and I still kept dancing even if my friends were talking behind my back. I know it hurts but later it will get better. I wanted to hide in a box instead of go to ballet. But instead of being afraid I stood up for myself and I went to ballet and worked hard. I showed them that they didn’t hurt me. I gained back my confidence. But I probably wouldn't have done this without my sister and parents. They had my back the whole way and they never gave up.
I know how it feels to be out of place. To feel like nobody likes you. But if you show your friends or who ever was bugging you that you regain your confidence then you probably will feel a lot happier. I know I did.